Well, as you may have figured from my last post… I was kinda tired at the time and less than coherent. So, sorry about all the rambling. My head was spinning and I needed to let it off somewhere.

Anyways, I am so back in Provo!!! I know, like 10 minutes ago I was spending the semester in TO and going to Moorpark College… but yesterday while I was going through all of the stuff with the Glenwood Contract I started re-considering. I worked the numbers again and realized that I could come back to BYU this semester. Yeah, if I’d stayed and worked through the semester I would have saved like $2000, but… spending this semester here is worth that much to me. I’m so much happier to be here. I was able to hook back up with some of my friends from New York today, which was awesome! I’d almost forgotten how much I missed those girls. And my roommates are going to be a blast. So far, there’s only 4 of us in a 6 person apartment, but I’m not complaining. Not even a little bit. I’m almost hoping that it just stays like this, because that would be awesome. Probably unlikely, but a girl can dream right? It’s really weird being here and not seeing Robert though. I wasn’t even sure if I should tell him I was here because of the way things were left yesterday. Not that it was a bad note or anything, we’d just agreed not to talk for a little while. So, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do- seeing as it broke our agreement- but I IMed him tonight to at least let him know that I was here. Earlier today I had decided against telling him because I didn’t want to break the agreement, but then I started walking around campus and doing things. I found that I was almost scared that I would run into him and that it would be weird or that he’d be mad at me for not telling him… it just felt really wrong to not tell him. I guess we’ll see what happens from here. I’m not sure it was the right choice, but the other way didn’t seem right either. I guess it’s just important to me to be totally honest with people, and even though it wouldn’t be technically “dishonest” not to tell him… it didn’t seem like the most honest way to go about things either. *sigh* I don’t know. I guess one way or the other, it’s done now, right? So if he’s mad at me for breaking agreement, then not much I can do now.

Sorry, enough on that. But basically, I just wanted to let everyone know how completely thrilled I am to be here at BYU again. I love everything about it! The atmosphere, the people, the standards! VIVA THE BUBBLE!!!!


Wow, I’ve gotten really addicted to updating this. But it’s really nice, I like it better than writing in my normal journal because I don’t feel as pressured to write something important, my hands are more used to typing than writing, and I feel like I can write more or less and it doesn’t really matter. I guess there’s something kinda impermanent about a Live Journal versus a paper journal that makes it so I feel more like I can talk about whatever. Really poor logic, but oh well.

I went to my history class for the first time today, and it was really good. The professor looks like she’s going to be awesome. I was able to buy my books before heading to the institute for my breakfast (a beef burrito) and a talking to from Anthony. Unfortunately, it was kinda a brief sum up of a talking to rather than an actual talking to so we’ll have to finish it some other time. I made it to Mervyn’s on time for truck unload *yay!* I really like working on truck because I really feel like I’m becoming part of a group of people rather than just hiding out in the dark abyss that we call the lingerie fitting room 😛 Taylor’s sweet sixteen party was tonight. It was pretty cool, they totally decorated the backyard with lights and stuff. Food was great (especially after a long day at work).

Oh! The new new cell phones came today, which was also exciting. I like them a lot.

I’m starting to see how this semester is going to come together. I think I’m going to be able to handle it. In fact, it’s almost shaping up to be fun. Today while I was at Moorpark College I ran into a bunch of different people that I knew and it was just really cool. It’ll be good to get to catch up with them again. I’m still missing Robert like crazy, but I think I’ll make it through.

Well, I’m totally exhausted and I’m starting work at Mervyns’ at 7am… a mere 5 hours from now. So it’s off to bed i go.

Smiles ‘n sunshine,


Well, if you were to tell me 24 hours ago that I would be in the position I am right now… I wouldn’t have believed you. Not even a little bit. But I think the rollercoaster ride is stopping for awhile. I’ve finally come to a place where I really and truly feel good about what I’m going to do from here.

This morning my mom and I started talking about going back to BYU and the money and all of the general craziness that I would be going through up there this semester. She brought up again the option that I could stay home this semester and take classes at Moorpark College and work at Mervyns. It didn’t really sound like the solution I wanted, but when we finished talking I figured I should at least give it a chance. So I came up to my room and looked things over and it was like everything just dropped into place. Money wasn’t an issue, roommates weren’t an issue, I could get everything caught up… It was like putting the edges together in a puzzle, from there, everything else works itself out.

So, new plan. I’m going to stick around Thousand Oaks this semester, take a few classes at Moorpark College, work at Mervyns and just generally get my life back on track. I’m still not completely sure that I LIKE the idea, but it feels good. There’s more research yet to be done, but it looks like it will work out and make things better overall. Definitely not what I would have expected to be doing this semester, but I think it’s going to work out quite nicely.


I think I’ve finally made some decisions today about what I’m going to do with my life. At least, my life for the next year. I think it’s going to work out. I’ve found the solution that should benefit all those involved the most, particularly myself. I must say that it’s not totally what I wanted to decide, but I think it’s the best decision. It’s not going to be easy, but in the long run, I think it’ll be worth it.


I finally did it! I started my own LJ [blog]! It’s about time, wouldn’t you say? I decided this would be better than my exceedingly long away messages that I write like every night. I guess partly I like it too just because it’s a little bit more permanent. I mean, if I post things in an away message, by tomorrow, it’s gone. This can stay up for… forever. Well, maybe not that long, but you get the idea.

I just had a few things that I wanted to get out of myself so that I could get some sleep. Mostly stuff from my scripture study this evening.

I decided to start reading the True to the Faith book a little bit so I started flipping through it. Just sorta skimmed and as things caught my eye I would read them for a little while before finding the next interesting looking topic. Yeah, I know that all of the topics are interesting and important in their own right but this was just sorta my preliminary skimming of the book. I only made it as far as the P’s tonight, but that was ok. I found a lot of the things I was looking for.

The first thing I found was actually kinda unexpected. One of the topics that randomly caught my eye was fasting and fast offerings. For whatever reason I’ve sorta been on a fasting kick over the past year. It seems to help with just about anything you’re going through. Although, I think I almost ran into the problem of fasting too much to the point where it was almost dangerous to my health if you know what I mean. I don’t want that to sound self-righteous, it was just sorta that I got to the point where I was ok without eating, so really fasting didn’t have all that much effect. It was the same as any other day because I was never eating. Kinda weird.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own weaknesses and how I’m going to overcome them. Then I read this: “If you have a weakness or sin that you have struggled to overcome, you may need to fast and pray to receive the help or forgiveness you require.” I guess I just hadn’t really thought about having my own fast to overcome a weakness that I have. I guess I’ll be putting that one to use in the near future. The other thing I realized while I was reading it over was the importance of making a fast offering to go along with fasting. I guess I’d just never really thought of that before. But it totally makes sense. I think that’s going to be something that I’ll do a lot more as I get up to BYU this year and I’m really on my own as far as food and everything goes for the first time. So that was really good.

I found a lot of really interesting stuff under Honesty as well, but there was one thing that I found to be really interesting and another statement that I found to be truly profound. I really liked where it said: “If you lie, cheat, steal or neglect to give the full amount of work for your pay, you lose your self-respect.” I just really liked that last part about “[neglecting] to give the full amount of work for your pay..” I guess integrity has been something I’ve totally focused on probably since middle school, and it’s become really important to me. A lot of people don’t look at “working the system” as being dishonest. But I think it’s pretty clear in here that it is. No, maybe it doesn’t fall under what we generally classify dishonesty as in the clear cut “lying, cheating and stealing” sense, but it is every bit as dishonest as any of those.

Finally, I liked the very last bit in that section, “Being honest often requires courage and sacrifice, especially when others try to persuade you to justify dishonest behavior. If you find yourself in such a situation, remember that the lasting peace that comes from being honest is more valuable than the momentary relief of following the crowd.” I liked that a lot. It was just really profound.. and kinda a zinger. Enough said…

Another thing I ran across while studying my scriptures tonight was a quote that I got from my favorite sticker-loving seminary teacher (and no… I’m not talking about Brother Bryan) I keep flipping my scriptures open to this page and I constantly read D&C 132:16-19. But on Sunday night I finally read over the quote and realized that it was in relation to verses 20-24. Very interesting if you think about it. Anyways, after re-reading the quote the other night I really liked it and I sorta want to make it into a motto for my life. It’s from Joseph Fielding Smith in the Improvement Era from November of 1909. It says “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, basing its belief on divine revelation, ancient and modern, proclaims man to be the direct and lineal offspring of Deity. God himself is an exalted man, perfected, enthroned and supreme… Man is the child of God, formed in the divine image and endowed with divine attributes, even as the infant son of an earthly father is capable in due time of becoming a man, so the undeveloped offspring of celestial parentage is capable, by experience through ages and eons, of evolving into a God.”

On the same handout it also has Lorenzo Snow’s famous quote “As man now is God once was; As now God is, so man may be.” The thing that really has struck me as of late is that God used to be just like us. I know it sounds irreverent to put it this way… but God wasn’t perfect! He had to go through a life, same as us, so that He could become who He is now. At one point even God had weaknesses, and trials and failings that He had to overcome to become exalted. We’re ok!! Even if we have to reach perfection through lots of repentance, we’re not all that far behind. God had to do the same thing. Yeah, He’s over it now… but it doesn’t make him all that different from us.

Maybe an analogy would help this to make a little bit more sense. It’s kinda like looking at someone who has a doctorate. When you look at them you say “Wow, look at them, they’ve got a PhD.” But really, 10 years ago they were in your shoes. Just starting college, maybe failed a couple of classes. Changed majors 10-12 times. Had a hard time balancing friends and studies. They didn’t just suddenly appear and had a PhD, they started from the bottom and worked their way up. It’s the same way with God. At one point He was on an Earth and He probably had troubles getting along with His siblings. He might have needed to overcome laziness. Maybe He even had some big sins that he had to work through. But He did it. That’s why He can tell us with absolute certainity, “it’s going to be ok. You can do it.” He’s already done it! He wants to help us because He knows what it’s like to have a Father in Heaven that is willing to help. What a wonderful concept!!