Yeah, I know I already posted, but then I suddenly remembered a random conversation I had earlier today and I needed some space to kinda get it out.
I was over at Rachel’s apartment this evening and her good friend was over. Apparently before I came over they had been discussing marriage and listing off the reasons why neither of them were married, or planning on becoming so. Her friend then asked me why I wasn’t married. It wasn’t an awkward question (even though it sounds like it would be- it really wasn’t). The question was basically barring the fact that I hadn’t found someone to marry. I sat there for a moment and really thought about it. I couldn’t think of a single good reason. I mean, most people would say something about not being done with school or not having the money… but that’s not really as much an issue for me. I could be graduated by the end of the year and I already have a great job with my dad, and another great job here at BYU and marketable skills if I didn’t want to work either place. I don’t know why but for the first time it really occured to me that there wasn’t anything really holding me back. I don’t have any leftover emotional baggage from past relationships, I feel like I’ve really figured myself out, I feel like I’m self-sufficient enough that I could add someone else into the mix and have that be ok. I’m not so stuck on going on a mission that if Mr. Wonderful (not perfect, none of us are perfect) came along I would have to tell him to hold on for a while. I wouldn’t feel like I was robbed of any important experiences that I won’t be able to have later on in life. I guess I just feel like I’ve reached a good balance for myself. I’m by no means perfect. I have a hundred million things that I would like to do better. I guess it’s just that I feel like I really am stable and that the things I need to change aren’t major life-altering changes. I mean, I’ve always had stability in my life; let’s be honest, my family rocks and I’ve had the most amazing friends and good direction. But I never quite had myself figured out and made myself a whole in and of myself. I mean, I definitely think that it takes a man and a woman to make a REAL whole, but I’m a whole Brittny. Does that make sense? I guess it’s partly that I finally just feel like I am more of an asset than a liability to other people. Anyways, it was just an interesting discovery. I’m not saying that I’m going to go rush out and find myself a husband. However, if the prospect comes along, it could happen. Anyways, it was a good feeling to realize that.
Today was long, and I’m realizing that tomorrow’s going to be worse. Not sure how I’m going to get through this all. Cross your fingers for me!
Well, I figure I’ve written enough about me for one day, so instead of writing another entry I’m just going to take the survey I did today and post it here. I figure that opens it up to a different group of people.
1.What time did you get up this morning? 9:15am
2.Diamonds or pearls? I’m not much of a jewelery person overall… so I can’t say I have too much of a preference. I guess though that when I do buy jewelery it’s usually diamond looking… so I guess that’s my preference.
3.What was the last film you saw at the cinema?Hmm… it’s been a while. I think the last film I saw in a theater was Fantastic Four back in September? Oh wait! No! I saw Harry Potter 4 over Thanksgiving Break. Somehow that seemed like that should have been over the summer. But I should have remembered. I went with my little brothers to see Star Wars 3 over the summer, and Harry Potter 4 over Thanksgiving (Kyle sat through both of those in my lap saying “this is just pretend right?” and trying to convince me he wasn’t scared… he was)
4.What is your favorite TV show? Gilmore Girls (let’s be honest it’s the only thing I watch, and I don’t even watch it religiously, but I totally enjoy the dry humor)
5.What did you have for breakfast? Yeah, I’m with Alan, it’s a miracle that I HAD breakfast today. I ate a bagel on my way out the door.
6.What is your middle name? Hahaha! Wouln’t you like to know? Ok ok, so it’s not that big of a secret… I don’t have one.
7.What is your favorite cuisine? I just like trying new things, I’m not too particular. Maybe mexican? I eat almost nothing but quesadillas… but that’s usually because they’re so easy to make.
8.What foods do you dislike? Ham sandwiches (that’s about it)
9.Your favorite Potato chip? umm… i actually prefer tortilla chips, is that valid?
10.What is your favorite CD at the moment? hmm. well I’ve been kinda just listening to music at random. I just like listening to lots of music. But my most played song in iTunes is “Drops of Jupiter” by Train.
11.What kind of car do you drive? My 2000 Kia Sephia- it’s not an exciting car, but it is definitely mine 🙂
12.Favorite sandwich? Subway’s Italian BMT on wheat with provolone, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, olives, peppers, salt, pepper, parmesan, & vinegar (can you tell that my freshman year I had Dining Plus and I ate nothing but Subway for a year?)
13.What characteristics do you despise? self-absorbedness (i’m not sure if that’s a word, but hopefully that makes sense)
14.Favorite item of clothing? probably my Young Ambassador warm up jacket from last year, it’s just so dang comfy!
15.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Europe, definitely Europe. I have to find a good use for all of those years of French at some point.
16.What color is your bathroom? um.. white I think
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Not big on brand names, I can usually find some good stuff at Old Navy or Kohls though.
18.Where would you want to retire to? I don’t think I want to “retire” per se, I want to always be active. Hopefully when I get to the age when I could retire I’ll be able to go out and serve missions and do stuff like that.
19. Favorite time of day? Night
20.Where were you born? Rochester, New York
21.Favorite sport to watch? Probably basketball, but I’m starting to really like watching volleyball. But I think I’d rather play than watch in all reality.
22.Who do you least expect to send this back? Alan, he sent it to me… and that would be pointless
23.Person you expect to send it back first? Let’s be honest, I’ll be surprised to get a reply period.
24.What laundry detergent do you use? I think it’s called Sun- it was whatever was on sale last time I went to buy laundry detergent
25.Coke or Pepsi? I’m not a big cola fan, I definitely prefer root beer 🙂
26.Are you a morning person or night owl? HAHA! Brittny? Morning person? Fat chance! Definitely a night owl (how many times have I seen 3 am in the past week?? That’s what I thought)
27.Do you have any pets? Do my little brothers count?
28.Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everyone? I’ve set up my own website! it’s boring, but it’s mine http://www.techiechic.net (of course, BYU has filtered it as pornography… hopefully I can get that changed really soon)
29.What did you want to be when you were little? a shelf stocker at Wegmans (true story)
30.Favorite candy bar? Twix
31.What is your best childhood memory? playing boys chase girls with our families in NY (in retrospect, that was such a dumb game, but it was always fun…)
32.What are the different jobs you had in your life? babysitter, software tester, accounts payable, Mervyn’s “Team Member”, Webmaster at Theronyx.com, Teaching Assistant for CHum 287 – also I’ve been a Teaching Assistant for Beginning Dance in High School, and a Young Ambassador Technician for the past three years, I’m starting as the webmaster for my Uncle’s store’s website, and this summer I will probably be part of the programming team at Theronyx
33.What color underwear are you wearing? that’s for me to know, and you not to find out
34.Nicknames? I have lots, although apparently I should change my name to Jessica because people seem to think that I am a Jessica (random people too, ones who don’t even know the same Jessicas) I used to go solely by “Britt” but now only people who I’m really good friends with call me that.
35.Piercing? one in each ear (although it took me until I was 18 to get up the guts to go and get them pierced… to this day I’m still not sure how I did it)
36.Eye color? green, or hazel, whatever suits your fancy
37.Ever been to Africa? it’s one of the three continents I have yet to visit (but I don’t know that I really intend to go to Antarctica… I’m not really into the cold)
38.Ever been toilet papering? Definitely yes. Best story: the first time I went T.Ping my mom came in while my friend and I were having a sleepover at my house to see if we wanted to go with her. Don’t even worry, my mom IS the coolest person ever.
39.Love someone so much it made you cry? yeah
40.Been in a car accident? well if the question is a car accident then no. If the question is 3 car accidents then yes.
41.Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons
42.Favorite day of the week? I like most days of the week. Mondays and Wednesdays can be kinda brutal though.
43.Favorite restaurant? Probably Costa Azul, at least it’s the one I go to most often when I go out to eat.
44.Disneyland or Six-Flags? They’re both so expensive I have a hard time justifying going to either one.. but it kinda depends on the group. Six Flags has the better rides, but Disneyland… well it’s Disneyland!
45.Favorite ice cream? I’m with Alan- homemade ice cream rules! I like ice cream with stuff in it – chocolate, peanut butter, brownie bits… whatever, just so long as there’s fun stuff in it.
46.Disney or Warner brothers? Disney. There’s a reason those movies are classic
47.Favorite fast food restaurant? In ‘N Out *sigh* I’ve definitely become a California girl and I definitely miss it…
48.Bedroom carpet color? Brownish
49.How many times did you fail your driver’s test? once (apparently if the examiner has to tell you “BRAKE! BRAKE!” you fail. Go figure)
50.Before this one, from whom did you get your last
I just wanted to let everyone know that Rachel Stutz is my hero!! This week has been a little bit rough with all I’ve been doing with Young Ambassadors. It’s been especially difficult the last couple days because I ran out of bread and tortillas and didn’t really have anything easy to eat, and not time to make something more complex. Nothing major, I haven’t been starving or anything (I don’t want anyone to worry that I’m going anorexic), I just have had to think a little harder about what to make with combinations of food that don’t go together. Then today when I got to dance class there was Rachel with a grocery sack and food that’s all prepared to last me through tomorrow! Plus she wrote me a nice note to wish me luck tonight. I was so touched!
I’ve been realizing all over again this week how very blessed I have been. For the first time since being at BYU I really feel like I have good friends that I try to look out for and that look out for me in return. I’ve been totally considering lately staying here over the summer and through the fall semester. It seems way backwards of what would make sense. Not only does Tyler (my sorta missionary) come home in April, but Paul (my way best friend) comes home over the summer as well. If I stay here I’ll totally miss both of them coming home. Plus, my dad has offered me an ideal position at work where I could learn to program in Java and be on the development team and earn $20/hour. I’m not exactly sure how I can turn that down… But I don’t want to leave… I LOVE it here. My ward is amazing, I really feel like I belong here, and it just all feels so right. I know it’s all going to be different over the summer- I’ll probably have different home teachers, Rachel will go home, some of my roommates will leave, the class I TA for won’t be in session, there won’t be YAs… but, I still really think I want to stay here. I know if I stay my bishop will use me in my ward and I like being somewhere that I’m useful rather than just coming home and being the one who throws parties all summer. That’s fun too, but… I don’t know. I’ve decided not to force the decision until about April, but I’m definitely WAY leaning towards staying here.
Good grief it is cold in here! Our furnace was broken this morning and we had to have a repairman come and fix it so that we didn’t freeze out of our apartment (for those of you back in CA let me just remind you- I’m in Utah and it is currently 20 degrees outside…). However it’s fixed now so I’m probably cold as more of a reaction to being tired than actual coldness.
So, I’ve decided I’m definitely a fan of online shopping. It’s easy to price compare, I don’t have to leave my desk, it comes right to me, I can shop in the middle of the night if I so choose, I don’t have to deal with people trying to talk me into different things. I can do it while doing several other things. Really, I think it is fabulous. The only problem is that it is so very available to me. Since the beginning of the semester I have bought:
- My 30GB iPod Video
- A Train CD *which hasn’t come yet- murmur*
- My own domain name and web hosting (http://www.techiechic.net check it out. Right now all that’s up is a class assignment for my CHum 490 class that doesn’t have working links or anything but it’s there and it’s mine. If you want to check out something cool on my page go to http://www.techiechic.net/ – In addition to the random countdowns at the beginning of the page (another CHum assignment) the links at the bottom are for Divine Comedy videos. If you right click the link and choose “Save as” and save the link as a .mov you can import the files into iTunes and from there onto an iPod. I made it for myself but I would like anyone to be able to benefit from it.)
- An iPod case
Yeah, that’s right, tonight I actually bought a pair of glasses online. That seemed a little bit risky to me but I really think it’s going to be just fine… just weird that I could actually do it yaknow? I was way excited because they’re exactly the ones I wanted but for a way better price than I bought them for last year (don’t ask… after paying an arm and a leg for them I left them in Beijing… SO mad at myself!). So I’m really excited. I hope they come before I leave on tour so that I have them for tour. Then I can really just sit in the back of the van with my glasses, iPod, neck pillow and a book. That should keep people from bugging me don’t you think? I mean what could say “leave me alone” better than that? Anyways, there’s my confession for the night.
In other news, tonight was opening night for the Young Ambassadors and I think it went really well. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 3 years now. I can still remember retreat from my freshman year so vividly- and now I’m a senior and it’s all old hat. Just wild to think about how far I’ve come. I was thinking about that as I was walking home from the DeJong tonight (yes I was walking by myself, and no, no one attacked me, if they did I think they would be in for a rude surprise as I think I’m probably one of the more heavier armed girls on campus- I’m even more heavily armed than the BYU rent-a-cops so… yeah not too concerned). I am such a different person from the techie girl I was my freshman year. I hope in a good way. I guess there’s probably some of both. I’m definitely a lot less naive than I was back then. I was definitely a starry eyed dreamer back then who saw the world through rose colored glasses. I’ve had a few reality checks since then and I think I’m a lot more realistic now. Maybe borderline pessimistic at times in certain situations but I like to think I’m still optimistic and positive most of the time. I was a little too trusting, a little too naive and I think overall it’s just been part of growing up. I’m not quite as enthusiastic as I once was, for good and bad. I think I was enthusiastic to the point of being a little over-zealous and driving people a little bit crazy. I’ve kinda noticed that this year as one of our new freshman is a little over-enthusiastic and has a tendency to drive me a little bit crazy. I love him to death, but it’s just that over-zealousness of “hey, we have to all do this and team-build and etc etc.” Too many years has taught me that techies and performers are just different. Not bad different, just different. I love our performers, but when push comes to shove, I’m so grateful to have the tech van and be around people who are a little bit more practical, and down to earth and like me. Of course, all of those sound a little bit negative and I don’t think they’ve all been negative changes. There are many things I’ve learned from Young Ambassadors that have been profoundly positive. I think I’ve become less proud and better at being a lady. There was definitely a point when I wouldn’t ask a guy for help to save my life. No freaking way, I can open my own doors and carry this bag that’s three times my size etc etc etc. I’m still not really good at that, but I’ve gotten a ton better at accepting that maybe there are some things I can’t do, and that guys should act like gentlemen. I still try to hard to prove myself but I think I’m doing a lot better than I was. I’ve also learned to make myself more presentable. This sounds way superficial, but it’s true, and I don’t think it’s been totally negative. I mean, I still will not wear the heels of death solely for fashion’s sake. However I do care what I wear and whether I look like I could be representative of the Young Ambassadors. I actually dry my hair before school (which is definitely an improvement from high school, and most of my freshman year), and about half of the time I have my hair curled and I’ve even been known to wear makeup to school (*I’ll wait while those of you who have known me since high school pick yourselves up off the floor*). My testimony has grown infinitely stronger. I love being a part of this work. I mean, to most people we’re just a performing group that does a little singing and dancing with a BYU logo on our jackets. It’s SO much more than that. Hopefully that’s the one thing that doesn’t fade is the sense of mission I got from that first night at retreat. It’s all about lifting others and sharing our testimonies through all that we do.
Well, anyways, just a confession and some thoughts that I’d had on my way home tonight.