My Deepest Dreams

Wow, this is my one hundred and first LiveJournal entry. I wish I had realized that I was so close to my hundredth before I’d written that last entry so I could have done something cool. Oh well.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my ultimate goals and dreams in life. I’m currently within two classes of finishing up my degree here at BYU. I went to apply for graduation and it scared the crap out of me. I started to think about what it was I was going to do with my degree and I couldn’t think of a single thing I really wanted to do with it. Not that I feel like I picked the wrong major, I totally feel like I’ve studied things that have been uplifting and really what I needed to learn. Just not things that are useful in any field that I really want to go into. So I started thinking, what is it that I want to do with my life. Again, I was totally scared because I couldn’t really say.

Today I realized that I was looking at it all wrong. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do as a career when I finish college, and truth be told, I have zero interest in having a traditional career in the workforce. None whatsoever. Not that I mind working, or that I don’t have things that interest me in the workplace but it’s not what I really want to do with my life. My goals are on an entirely different plane. So I wanted to write down what my dreams are. Not necessarily everything that I think my life will be or what I absolutely have to have to be happy, but if I could have everything that I truly wanted in my life I wanted to figure out what those were and put them in concrete. I was sort of surprised with myself as I thought through what they were because they aren’t dreams that I think a lot of people share. This isn’t just me being realistic, this is if I could have EVERYTHING I truly want. If Fairy Godmother came and offered me white horse, Prince Charming, castles, the world, to be a princess whatever…these are the things I would wish for.

I want to find a man who I truly love and marry him in the temple for time and all eternity. I could go through and make a list of things I would like to find in the man I marry, however that’s another topic for another time. Ideally I would love for him to be an aspiring college professor or involved in something that would make it so I could be taking university level classes for the rest of my life. Not an eternal full time student but like one at a time when I have time. Just so I can be in a place of learning so that my academic growth doesn’t stop just because I’m no longer a college student. I don’t particularly care where we end up living, just somewhere where there are other Latter-Day Saints and where I could be close to a temple. I want to have kids and be a mother. I love kids, I always have and I honestly can’t wait to be a mom and taking care of little kids and teaching them. Strangely, I don’t have a set number of kids I would like to have, or how far apart or anything like that. I guess I’ll figure that one out with my husband and God as we go.

I have no desires to be exceedingly rich but I hope to have the money to be able to do the things that are important. Aside from the basics, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, food on our table I have other aspirations. I want to be able to serve in the church and the community. I want to be able to help others, to give to those who are truly in need. I want to be able to have people in my home without stressing that I can’t afford to share a meal with them. I want to one day be able to serve a mission with my husband so we’d need to be in a financial position to do so. I would love to continue to be able to travel to foreign lands. I find you can learn so much by going to another place and I want to be able to share that with my husband and kids.

I want to stay active, meeting new people, doing things to help make this world a better place. My family would unquestioningly come first, but if time permits I want to be able to participate in the schools and helping get good programs going there. Working with local theater groups and getting quality entertainment. Helping out with cub scouts or the school choir or sports teams, I want to make the world a better place for me having been in it. I want to have friends who I can share the gospel with and lift up.

I have some random goals, I would like to one day publish a book, and work on a feature length motion picture or a Broadway stage. But neither of those are really important to me. They would be awesome if they happened and I’m willing to work for them, but whether or not they happen will not determine whether or not I feel like my life is a success.

And, that’s it. Those are my deepest dreams. Modest as they may seem, that’s it. I don’t expect to have all of that, this is seriously only thinking in an ideal world. Some of them are more resolutions than dreams, a conviction to stay active in the community and to work towards publishing a book or working on a movie. I know I do not live in an ideal world. I’ve learned skills so that I can be prepared if I can’t fulfill any of those dreams until later or not at all. I can program computers, or work in a theater, or interpret for deaf people, I’m not completely useless. But if I can have it my way I won’t use those skills just to earn a living for myself.

So, on that note I guess I should tell you that I have also decided against graduating in the near future, which seems contrary to my academic progress but I’m doing it anyways. I brought home my graduation application and threw it away. I’m currently working on getting permission to double major so I can get a solid background in theater, particularly stage management. I realized it’s what I love to do, it’s what I spend all my time doing so I ought to be able to do it when I leave school for real, rather than just being able to say that I have 4 years of YA experience. Plus, it gives me something to come back to after going on a mission. So, as soon as I post this I’m going to fill out the application to become a theater major and I’ll probably try taking it in tomorrow afternoon. I guess that was the long way of getting to that point, but there you have it. My deepest dreams all laid out.

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