Yeah, I know I already posted, but then I suddenly remembered a random conversation I had earlier today and I needed some space to kinda get it out.
I was over at Rachel’s apartment this evening and her good friend was over. Apparently before I came over they had been discussing marriage and listing off the reasons why neither of them were married, or planning on becoming so. Her friend then asked me why I wasn’t married. It wasn’t an awkward question (even though it sounds like it would be- it really wasn’t). The question was basically barring the fact that I hadn’t found someone to marry. I sat there for a moment and really thought about it. I couldn’t think of a single good reason. I mean, most people would say something about not being done with school or not having the money… but that’s not really as much an issue for me. I could be graduated by the end of the year and I already have a great job with my dad, and another great job here at BYU and marketable skills if I didn’t want to work either place. I don’t know why but for the first time it really occured to me that there wasn’t anything really holding me back. I don’t have any leftover emotional baggage from past relationships, I feel like I’ve really figured myself out, I feel like I’m self-sufficient enough that I could add someone else into the mix and have that be ok. I’m not so stuck on going on a mission that if Mr. Wonderful (not perfect, none of us are perfect) came along I would have to tell him to hold on for a while. I wouldn’t feel like I was robbed of any important experiences that I won’t be able to have later on in life. I guess I just feel like I’ve reached a good balance for myself. I’m by no means perfect. I have a hundred million things that I would like to do better. I guess it’s just that I feel like I really am stable and that the things I need to change aren’t major life-altering changes. I mean, I’ve always had stability in my life; let’s be honest, my family rocks and I’ve had the most amazing friends and good direction. But I never quite had myself figured out and made myself a whole in and of myself. I mean, I definitely think that it takes a man and a woman to make a REAL whole, but I’m a whole Brittny. Does that make sense? I guess it’s partly that I finally just feel like I am more of an asset than a liability to other people. Anyways, it was just an interesting discovery. I’m not saying that I’m going to go rush out and find myself a husband. However, if the prospect comes along, it could happen. Anyways, it was a good feeling to realize that.
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