Secrets

So, on Wednesday I was actually working on a post that was directed towards one of my friends. I’ve been really frustrated with him lately because we’re really good friends… most of the time. However, he’s such a private person that I never feel like I have any idea what’s going on in his life beyond simply classes. Of course, just as I was in the middle of typing up that post… I went to my Religion class. Sister Black was telling us about the Book of Mormon and when Martin Harris lost the 116 pages. Sister Black was telling us that after losing the 116 pages Joseph Smith was a lot more closed and private. He was a lot more careful about who he let into his inner circle. I felt a little bit bad about what I was writing. Maybe this friend has got something down that I just don’t understand yet, or maybe he’s learned the hard way what can happen when you let too many people in.

On the other hand… I’m not entirely sure how much I agree with that whole concept. In my opinion, we’re supposed to be open with other people. We’re supposed to be able to share or joys and sorrows with each other. We’re not meant to go through this life on our own, that’s why we were given friends. I used to have major barriers built around myself. I didn’t let people know much about me or give into much emotional stuff. It has been a long and PAINFUL road to really get myself to open up. Still, I don’t open myself up to just anyone.  Unless someone cares enough to really ask I won’t just divulge anything. But the walls are gone. You can’t be close to people who don’t know anything about you, can you? I’m definitely a different girl from the one who started at BYU 3 years ago. But I think it’s been changes for the better. I’ll admit, I’m more scared of letting people get close to me, because I know what that can do. But, I’m more willing to allow them to do so because I have learned also how great it can be to have those people.

I guess it’s a balance, Joseph didn’t shut everyone out, he was just a lot more careful. Maybe I should learn something from that and be a little more careful myself, not closed off, just more careful about who I trust. Heaven knows I ought to have learned that by now. Anyway, this isn’t so much a declaration of which way is right and which way is wrong, simply some thoughts I’ve had lately that I needed to get out.

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